Monday, May 8, 2023

bahagia

"semoga selalu bahagia, ya!"


aku bersungguh sungguh mengamini tiap kata nya

agar semesta tak terlalu mahal menjual bahagia kepadamu

agar Tuhanku baik kepadamu, dan kau diberikannya dengan cuma cuma

agar aku yakin kau masih tersenyum setidaknya satu kali setiap hari

Saturday, March 18, 2023

-

 a first post in 2023


everything is going that well

it's just too well

God is just too kind to us

and it gets me overwhelmed


Thankyou, God.

You gives us everything. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Food

 List of Food You Like and I Can Cook:

1. Tumis buncis dan jagung muda

2. Sop dengan potongan ayam dan sosis

3. Tumis pare dan teri

4. Cumi asin cabai hijau

5. Ayam goreng polosan

6. Terong goreng crispy

7. Tumis kangkung

8. 

Friday, May 6, 2022

menabung temu

 


kau menuntut satu demi satu jumpa di akhir minggu

sambil kau kantongi keping keping memori

"bekal untuk perjalanan rinduku," katamu

sebab aku akan pergi, katamu

dan aku menertawaimu berulang kali

sebelum aku tersadar yang kau lakukan

adalah menabung temu demi temu untuk aku

agar tidak merindumu cepat cepat

sebab kau tau waktumu tidak lagi sebanyak itu



Tuesday, March 1, 2022

sepucuk surat yang tidak akan aku kirimkan (3)

hai, yang dulu pernah aku suka

6 years has passed but i still able to feel the blood on my scar.

i write this because im gonna be married soon, and i need a closure about you.
i still remember how good you were when we're still together. you're good looking and perfectionist person. yess, you were so good.

but i still remember perfectly how you treated me like a fool. the way you called me a bitch or slut and the way you told me i wasn't good enough, in every single day we had spent. lol. 
i remember crystal clearly about how you threw all of your shits to me. blamed all of the bad things happened in your day to me. you blamed me for the things i didn't even do. you blamed me for every rejection of your application letters. you blamed me because you had no money left on your wallet. and any other silly things.

i lost my self that time.

eventho you took me to the places i like, you brought me my fave beverage, you gave me a book i wanted,
but that's not enough for me, the damage you've made in my life was just too much. and i couldn't handle it.

that was not a relationship i wanted to have. that's why i left you.

i admit, i did cheat on you too.
but i didn't cheat with someone you thought i did with.
i cheated with my friend u didn't even know his name. i had never mentioned his name in front of you. not even once. i was a pro cheater. lol. i still am.

then i left you so lost you, but i found myself.
and it felt better. so damn much better.

i write this letter because i wanna tell you this:
i will not blame you for every single pain i gained from you anymore.
i'm fully blaming my self, because i let you did that.
but that's ok. bcs i will heal every wounds i have as well.
i'm good at healing. better than you think i am.

so... yea...
thankyou for every story we have made. i won't try to remember them anyway.

cheers!

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

new comer

i don't like being the only new person in the room

too afraid of making friend,

too insecure to start an A.


bcs i don't know how

my teacher never taught me to

and no book tells bout it too


i don't like being here

it's been a year but still

i am the new comer


i don't wanna be here

Sunday, January 2, 2022

ruangan kamar

kamar saya selalu dapat merepresentatifkan isi kepala saya dengan baik.
sebaik hariini.
saya lupa mengapa saya meletakkan jaket jeans saya diatas kasur,
celana kerja dipojok ruangan, handuk di gagang pintu,
dan lain lainnya yang membuat saya harus melompat lompat saat memasuki ruangan supaya tidak menginjak barang barang yang bergeletakan.

dengan sangat baik ruangan saya menunjukkan isi kepala saya.
semrawut, tidak baik, dan tidak nyaman.
ingin rasanya saya menjajaki kaki di ruangan milik orang lain,
merasakan ketenangan dan kenyamanan.

dengan sangat baik ruangan saya memamerkan isi kepala saya.
foto foto pacar saya, dan dan selembar foto teman saya yang selalu saya sembunyikan didalam laci di sudut meja,
yang sudah entah kapan terakhir kali saya sentuh dan lihat,
namun tetap saya ingat jelas dimana letaknya.

kamar saya sangat berantakan.
namun ia masih dengan setia menyimpan kenangan kenangan di sudut sudut ruangan