sepucuk surat yang tidak akan aku kirimkan (3)

hai, yang dulu pernah aku suka

6 years has passed but i still able to feel the blood on my scar.

i write this because im gonna be married soon, and i need a closure about you.

i still remember how good you were when we're still together. you're good looking and perfectionist person. yess, you were so good.

but i still remember perfectly how you treated me like a fool. the way you called me a bitch or slut and the way you told me i wasn't good enough, in every single day we had spent. lol. 

i remember crystal clearly about how you threw all of your shits to me. blamed all of the bad things happened in your day to me. you blamed me for the things i didn't even do. you blamed me for every rejection of your application letters. you blamed me because you had no money left on your wallet. and any other silly things.

i lost my self that time.

eventho you took me to the places i like, you brought me my fave beverage, you gave me a book i wanted,

but that's not enough for me, the damage you've made in my life was just too much. and i couldn't handle it.

that was not a relationship i wanted to have. that's why i left you.

i admit, i did cheat on you too.

but i didn't cheat with someone you thought i did with.

i cheated with my friend u didn't even know his name. i had never mentioned his name in front of you. not even once. i was a pro cheater. lol. i still am.

then i left you so lost you, but i found myself.

and it felt better. so damn much better.

i write this letter because i wanna tell you this:

i will not blame you for every single pain i gained from you anymore.

i'm fully blaming my self, because i let you did that.

but that's ok. bcs i will heal every wounds i have as well.

i'm good at healing. better than you think i am.

so... yea...

thankyou for every story we have made. i won't try to remember them anyway.

cheers!