waktu lalu

sejadi jadinya aku merindu masa itu

namun tidak perihal kamu

sebab kau adalah bagian dari hidupku yang aku enggan untuk mengakuinya

terlalu pelik hingga bias sudah memoriku mengenaimu

andai aku bisa memutar balik waktu

tentu jawabanku selalu tiba di masa itu

agar aku bisa memilih untuk tidak mengenalmu terlalu jauh

dan lebih memilih untuk berkawan sendiri

sejadi jadinya aku merindu masa itu

namun bukan soal kamu

parfum

aroma parfummu masih tertinggal sedikit di kamarku

sudah cukup untuk mengusik tenangku pagi ini

seolah kau sengaja menuang kenangan diatas kasurku

supaya aku terus tenggelam dalam imaji tentang ragamu malam tadi

supaya aku terus berharap mengenai datangmu malam ini

bahagia

"semoga selalu bahagia, ya!"

aku bersungguh sungguh mengamini tiap kata nya

agar semesta tak terlalu mahal menjual bahagia kepadamu

agar Tuhanku baik kepadamu, dan kau diberikannya dengan cuma cuma

agar aku yakin kau masih tersenyum setidaknya satu kali setiap hari

-

 a first post in 2023

everything is going that well

it's just too well

God is just too kind to us

and it gets me overwhelmed

Thankyou, God.

You gives us everything. 

Food

 List of Food You Like and I Can Cook:

1. Tumis buncis dan jagung muda

2. Sop dengan potongan ayam dan sosis

3. Tumis pare dan teri

4. Cumi asin cabai hijau

5. Ayam goreng polosan

6. Terong goreng crispy

7. Tumis kangkung

8. 

menabung temu

 

kau menuntut satu demi satu jumpa di akhir minggu

sambil kau kantongi keping keping memori

"bekal untuk perjalanan rinduku," katamu

sebab aku akan pergi, katamu

dan aku menertawaimu berulang kali

sebelum aku tersadar yang kau lakukan

adalah menabung temu demi temu untuk aku

agar tidak merindumu cepat cepat

sebab kau tau waktumu tidak lagi sebanyak itu

sepucuk surat yang tidak akan aku kirimkan (3)

hai, yang dulu pernah aku suka

6 years has passed but i still able to feel the blood on my scar.

i write this because im gonna be married soon, and i need a closure about you.

i still remember how good you were when we're still together. you're good looking and perfectionist person. yess, you were so good.

but i still remember perfectly how you treated me like a fool. the way you called me a bitch or slut and the way you told me i wasn't good enough, in every single day we had spent. lol. 

i remember crystal clearly about how you threw all of your shits to me. blamed all of the bad things happened in your day to me. you blamed me for the things i didn't even do. you blamed me for every rejection of your application letters. you blamed me because you had no money left on your wallet. and any other silly things.

i lost my self that time.

eventho you took me to the places i like, you brought me my fave beverage, you gave me a book i wanted,

but that's not enough for me, the damage you've made in my life was just too much. and i couldn't handle it.

that was not a relationship i wanted to have. that's why i left you.

i admit, i did cheat on you too.

but i didn't cheat with someone you thought i did with.

i cheated with my friend u didn't even know his name. i had never mentioned his name in front of you. not even once. i was a pro cheater. lol. i still am.

then i left you so lost you, but i found myself.

and it felt better. so damn much better.

i write this letter because i wanna tell you this:

i will not blame you for every single pain i gained from you anymore.

i'm fully blaming my self, because i let you did that.

but that's ok. bcs i will heal every wounds i have as well.

i'm good at healing. better than you think i am.

so... yea...

thankyou for every story we have made. i won't try to remember them anyway.

cheers!