the age of "too late"

in the late of twenties you will understand,
that the world doesn't spin only around you,
and reality just hit you harder than your father did last year.

you can hide under you blanket in the night,
because you try to cover yourself from coldness and your desperate feeling.
but at the time the sun goes up, you will regret.
because it's just too late to understand how this life can be so mean to you.
and now you hate yourself for not doing any better when you were younger,
start blaming yourself for wasting every hours that you need right now.

a piece of your mind keep telling you,
your father was right, but it's just heavy to admit
and he's already gone.

Dear Yoe

 Dear Yoe

it takes really a long time to make a deal with this situation. you left us. i mean, you went "home" just too early.

i know i know, that's the thing we cannot control. no one can. but yeah, it made my day became so hard. like really hard. i lost one of my sane people to help me think about this cruel world, about my crowded love story.

you are one of the best people i've ever met. you said so many things i denied, you said the truth i didnt wanna hear, you're mad at me because i made mistakes, you really did great things as a brother to me.

Dear Yoe

you were the first people i looked for on my graduation. you were always be the first people who said "happy birthday" to me (even tho i hated it. lol),  and too, you were the first person who always looked after me.

still, i am looing for a dream about you in my sleep. wishing to god to let me meet you in a dream, i am still looking for you.

Dear Yoe

i write this because i need to have a closure about you. even tho i know i wont stop feeling happy if i met you in a dream again, i wont stop missing you, and i love you still as a brother, not a lover lol (i know so many ppl think bout that).

today, i realized, i gotta let my self healing, and accept the fact. it's ok. i wont stop drinking coffee just because it reminds me of you sometimes. lol.

Dear Yoe

thank you for your presence in my life, thank you for being you.

stay

masih dan terus,
memohon kepadamu untuk bersamaku.

supaya setidaknya malam ini,
aku dijauhkan dari kekhawatiran akan kehilangan kamu
esok pagi.

-

 aku pernah bahagia

your texts

your texts are the only thing keep me sane

the only thing make me feel a bit alive

the only thing tied me with the reality

the only good thing i have in this day

your texts are awesome,

a single "hi" can be so strong

a single "i love you" can stop me bleeding

a single "how was today?" can be everything to me

entah kapan

kelak aku akan mengingatmu dengan tersenyum,

meskipun entah kapan.

kelak aku akan mengunjungi rumahmu sekali lagi,

meskipun entah kapan.

kelak aku akan pulih dari segala luka karna kau tinggalkan,

meskipun entah kapan.

kelak aku pun akan melupakan kamu.

entah karna usia,

atau memang sudah saatnya.

tapi entah kapan.

atau memang tidak akan pernah.

tribute to Yoedhistira Brilianatama.

sebentar lagi tanggal kematianmu,

yang tidak jauh dari tanggal kelahiranmu juga.

rindu

ngga, gue ngga kangen jogja segitunya kok

yang gue kangenin adalah masa masa gue hidup sendiri,
yang kebetulan waktu itu gue hidup di jogja.

ngga, jogja ngga seistimewa itu buat gue,
tapi masa gue hidup sendiri emang seberharga itu bagi gue.

jarak ngga seburuk itu kok.
memberikan ruang terhadap sesuatu kadang emang perlu.

hubungan yang terlalu dekat membuat gue susah gerak.
entah ke arah yang negatif atau positif, gue gapernah tau.
karna gue ngga punya kesempatan buat gerak, buat nyoba.

jarak ngga seburuk itu kok.
rasa rindu dalam hubungan bisa memberikan kesan romantis yang tersendiri.
ngga cuma hubungan sama pacar, sama keluarga dan teman pun juga gitu.

bagi gue, jarak ngga seburuk itu kok.
justru hubungan yang terlalu dekat membuat gue susah gerak.

capek.

because i loved you

i ever loved you once,
pushed my self to loved you more
and pulled my heart to hated me even more

i founded you
but i lost my self

i made mistakes
because i loved you.